Christina's Top 13 Things Not To Do on a First Date

I have been told I should have a reality show of my dating experiences. I have had the unfortunate pleasantries of meeting some of the absolute weirdest men in my lifetime. I have compiled a top 13 list of things NOT to do on a first date, all taken from personal experience.

1- Don't lick your knife and then cut off a piece of your food to share with your date

2- Try to control your sweating

3- Don't try and guess the bra size of your date while at dinner

4- Don't talk about what the date is costing you, or about the money in your bank account or lack thereof, if you don't have it, charge it and shut up. No one likes a broke man

5- Keep the application of Cologne to a reasonable level, if I can smell you even before I can see you, the date is off

6- Don't talk about the state of your toenails

7- Don't wear pajamas
 
9- Don't talk about your mental disorders

10-Dont refer to your ex-wife as an effing c_ _ t who took everything you had

11- Don't show up on a date looking like you have just got done mowing the lawn

12- Don't talk about how much you LOVE drinking and getting wasted

13- Don't talk about your "size"

There, I hope I have helped someone out there who was about to make the mistake of making one of these mistakes to think twice about it. People say men are straightforward and uncomplicated when it comes to dating, I say its the same for women when you get down to it. We want a man to treat us with respect and to respect themselves as well, or maybe that's just me....  Either way, don't do the things on my top 13 things not to do on a first date list. That is all.

The Curvy Man Child

They say that the average American male is about 5'9", 175lbs (which is actually 6lbs overweight). Only roughly 13% of men are physically fit and of those that actually own fitness equipment about 45% of those men use the equipment as a place to hang their clothes. Men these days crave comfort and stability in a way that only women in the past have identified with. The romantic ideals of a man likened to the heroic and idealistic physique of Russel crow and Mel Gibson are replaced by the squishy reality that is our typical American man. Working from home, online dating and fast-food have taken the typical go-getting, self-driven man and turned him into something horrible and terrifying: the man-child.

The modern day man-child plays video games, loves the comfort of his own couch and enjoys comfortable footwear (he may or may not own a pair of white sneakers). This man isn't all that concerned with obtaining a strong, smart and attractive woman, because they are lucky if they obtain anyone at all. This is a huge problem, because the modern day woman is assertive, attractive and generally appealing. This woman isn't desperate to have children the minute she turns 18 and she isn't attracted to the sloth-like man-child that only seems to exist in middle America. The question is, how do I spot this man-child before he spots me? How do I avoid getting sucked into his crib of slothfulness?

The man-child may not show his true colors at first, he may appear stable, well mannered, cleanly and generally concerned about you, this sounds good right? WRONG! The man-child is a vicious predator that is in search of comfort, stability and is a fan of anything conventional. He wants to dominate, procreate and then he wants dinner. Run do not walk to an exit if he has an inordinate amount of free weekends available and wants your schedule to immediately mimic his. This man is first and foremost concerned about only himself and his own needs and he is only concerned about you to the extent that you can fulfill them. If you want to kiss your life goodbye ladies then just look for the slothful man with an open schedule because you probably have yourself a man-child.

The perfect man; the perfect purse

Perfection is not attainable and is in itself fallible. Perfection is also relevant, one persons perfect is another persons nightmare. I find that I am constantly on the search to find my "perfect" man just the same as I have been searching for the "perfect" purse. What is perfection exactly? To find something without flaws is not possible, therefore, perfection is the limit of imperfection that one can handle. Now that I have an understanding of what is "perfect" lets go shopping!

I have been looking everywhere for a bag that I feel is a true extension of myself; classy, hip and high quality. I found one purse that was divine, every girls dream, it was Italian lambskin, $$$$, and just gorgeous. However, this purse was too much work for me, if it was drizzling I had to cover it and I had to keep it out of the sunlight so it doesn't damage its fine leather. I couldn't overload it if I wanted it to keep its shape and had to tuck it in at night in its dust cover to preserve its fine appearance. In a nutshell, this purse was high maintenance and THAT is not how I roll.

Purse #2 seemed to be just what I was looking for, it looked good, fit me and my sense of fashion and the price was right. With this purse I had all the attention and luxury that a designer purse gets with one minor set back, it wasn't authentic, it was a knockoff and therefore an impostor. It looked great on my arm for a while, but then the threads started to come apart, and its true value became exposed. I had to keep it from getting too close to anyone or they would know it wasn't real and then they might question my credibility. Although the purse wasn't high maintenance like its more expensive counterpart, it was actually worth less then a no-name bag because it was a liar. NEXT!

I thought I gave up all hope in my seemingly endless search for this bag that I felt would complete me and be everything I had hoped for. Then one day I decided to check out a website that one of my friends told me about. I casually strolled through the online merchandise and like magic my eyes fell upon a lovely, elegant and tasteful bag. So what the heck, I ordered it, I mean I could always return it if I didn't like it. When it came to my house I discovered its soft leather, trendy appearance and fine craftsmanship. This purse was "perfect" for me!

Finding the perfect man is exactly like finding the perfect purse, you have to try on a few before you find the one that goes with you the best. Some are too extravagant, some are too cheap and some are just wrong. The one that's meant for you will feel like a true extension of yourself and you will be proud to show it off.

I found that I will never find the exact bag that will go with every outfit and last forever. However, choosing wisely will keep me from jumping from one purse to another and it will also keep me from buying "cheap" bags if I intend to commit to one for awhile.

I have decided to value quality over quantity and to look not for "perfection" but for the imperfections that I can deal with.