Ah breakups, they suck. They suck really bad because it is never entirely clear whose fault it really was. Who had the malfunction that lead to the dissolution of a partnership? It is always in my nature to make sure I don't ever make the same mistake twice, therefore I have been entirely perplexed and dedicated to the pursuit of determining the root cause of this issue.
I have racked my brain for weeks trying to come to a logical conclusion as to how someone can care about you one minute and want nothing to do with you the next when you have done nothing wrong? After all the tears subsided and after all the initial heartache mended I came to my conclusion: I did do something wrong.
I was settling for less than I knew I deserved and wanted. That alone is not fair to anyone involved but most of all to me. I was lying to myself and pretending that things did not bother me even when they did, and I was also lying to myself and pretending that things bothered me even when they didn't. A lack of truthfulness on all accounts was at the heart of our situation and was the disease that lead to our eventual demise.
When it ended it was painful, it hurt almost worse than anything I have ever been through, so I tried to rationalize just why it hurt so bad when I knew he was so wrong for me. I concluded that I had indeed cared for him, and I knew things would have been different had I been more honest about what I wanted from the beginning. Honesty is the ultimate rock a relationship must be built upon; anything less is quicksand.
I am not always a fan of life's little lessons but I suppose this situation was out there just lingering for me to grasp hold of. I was meant to go through this so that I could fix and change the very things that always seem to bring me back to square one. "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it", thanks I did in fact learn my lesson this time, fixed the problem and do not intend on repeating. Sometimes it takes a bolt of lightning to shake you to your core, and sometimes it takes a failed relationship.
