Wow, some time has passed hasn't it?
I will be honest, I thought I deleted this blog space long ago and as it turns out I didn't. I was so elated when I saw my posts still here. The feeling of home and a warm welcome filled me and I felt compelled to jump right back in. What has happened since I've been away? I found a great guy and got married 3 years ago, something I never thought I would do, not because I didn't want to, I just felt like I was too odd or I was just someone that was never going to find someone I can be my truest self with. So that happened, I still think its weird, I tell him its weird he's here, I never thought someone would ever just be there, but I like it.
Also, I lost my mom last year, she passed away before her 71st birthday. She lived longer than most with dementia. I still do not know what fully happened to her or her mind. There is so much I will never know about her life maybe I am not supposed to. What I do know is I did make sure she was always cared for, that she always had a roof over head, that she was fed, she was in a care home that loved her and cared for her for 10 years, that is practically unheard of for someone to remain in someone's care for that long. I visited her as much as I could, when I say that I mean emotionally. Emotionally I was wrapped in barbed wire every visit, choking back the tears and being present despite the agony of seeing my mother unable to walk, or speak or acknowledge me. Every visit was bittersweet, I hated it but cared for her. So I did it. Until there were no more visits to be had.
Another thing, I have found myself distancing myself from social media. I don't think we should give windows into our lives so easily nor do I want to see into peoples lives that aren't in my daily life. That's just me. People pushing agendas, flashing their possesions and those trying to sell something. I am NOT interested anymore. Find ways to stay connected that don't involve lurking on someone's page, stalking their photos, thinking you know them and whats going on. Pick up the damn phone or better yet, show up at the door! When did we stop showing up? Start showing up again; in peoples lives, in their faces, give them a hug, bring cookies, TALK, BE, HUG, CRY, LAUGH, just be.
